Because You Loved Me
by Rocks-my-socks
Summary: DesSheelagh. A love so strong as Des and Sheelaghs was meant to last...so what if there had been a few twists of fate, and it had?
1. The Affair

Disclaimer: The Bill and Its characters do not belong to me

Because You Loved Me

Chapter 1

Sheelagh lay in Des's arms in his flat. They both knew she should not be there. If she was where she should be she would be with her husband at home. But she didn't want to do what was right. She just wanted to stay there for ever.

For the first time in her life she was doing some thing for her instead of her family and Des made her feel as if it was so right. Maybe that was because she wanted it to be right, and so did he. The need they had had of one another since they had fallen in love was mad.

When she thought of it she was sure a love like there's was meant to belong to teenagers or maybe to … well she didn't know. But she had never thought it would be for her. But now that it was she didn't know what she would so if she ever lost it… or him.

And so there they lay under his duvet, the moon shining in through the window. And it felt so wonderful.

"Don't," he whispered in her ear.

"Don't what?"

"Go back to him tonight, stay, stay with me."

The offer was so tempting. She could. She wanted to she thought to herself. She felt when she was with him she was so free to do as she wanted. But the kids and Pat were going to be waiting for her…yet would it be so hard to find a excuse to stay one night. She didn't want to go… she desired to stay above all else.

Slipping out of bed she went in to the living room where she found her phone.

She rang her husband and she was surprised how easy it was to lie to him when she had thought of what she was going to say.

She had to work so late. There was no point in her making the journey home. She would sleep at the motel in town for one night as it was the quickest way to get to a bed. She missed him and would be home tomorrow.

Before she knew it she had hung up and she was off the hook for the night.

She was free, to stay.

Smiling she left the phone on the table and walked back to bed where instantly Des wrapped his arms back round her body and the warmth of his came flooding over hers. It felt so good to be this close to him at last.

As she lay there she let him hold her and she was so contented. He was all she needed.

"Shee." He whispered to her.

She nodded to show she was listening but was enjoying his embrace to much to say any thing.

"You know no one has ever made me happier than you do, don't you?" she turned in to him, nodding. She loved it when he spoke to her like this. It was when she saw the real him shine through the tough man exterior. And she thought it was simply wonderful. Because she knew it was the real him. The man she had fallen in love with. Her Des…

"I know." She said to him. "And the same goes me. Des I…." she tried to find the words. "Lets go to sleep." She said lamely as she put her head on his chest and snuggled in to him.

He nodded, kissed her nose and shut his eyes. Sleeping with her in his arms would be the greatest rest he had ever had. It was rare he found such peace.

She was so over whelmed by his love at times that she wanted to cry. He made her feel as way no one else had. That didn't mean he didn't have his fault because she knew he did, she knew that better than most in fact. It just meant she choose to over look them as his good parts were so good.

That night was pure bliss for the two of them. For two months they had been seeing one another now, no one knew of course. It was better that way. But never before had they spent an entire night together but after that one Sheelagh knew they were going to have to again. It had only served to sew the love she had for him deeper in to her heart. The need for him was growing.

Getting up was a task neither wished to do but both had too. At least they worked together and so wouldn't have to say good bye till that night when she went home but she pushed that thought out her mind. She didn't want to go back there.

"Shee, do you want a coffee?" She heard Des called to her as she got dressed.

"Yes please," she replied to him.

Going out in to the kitchen she couldn't stop smiling. Wrapping her arms round him from behind as he did the coffee, she kissed his neck.

"Thank you." She said as she shut her eyes again, taking in his manly scent.

"What for?"

"For asking me to stay last night."

"It was a pleasure believe me. Thank you for staying. I know this isn't easy for you. It is a lot harder for you then me." he said to her because he knew it was true. She had had a family and a whole other life before him. When he looked back he had had nothing before her. He wondered if he had even been living.

"It's getting easier." She told him the truth. The more she was with him, the more she loved him and the more her mind ran wild with excuses why they were right. And there were so many.

He gave her a small smile, and kissed her fore head and went off to get ready for work.

Within twenty minutes the two of them were pulling up in to the car park at the back at the station. Back to being PC Taviner and Sergeant Murphy.

"When I am going to get you to my self again." He asked as they prepared to get out.

She wished she had an answer to that question, but she didn't. And he knew it. Quickly she looked round to check no one was watching and when she was sure no one was she kissed his cheek tenderly and smiled.

"Soon darling. Soon." She promised him.

That day she had paper work to do and he was out in the area car with Reg meaning there was no even the chance when she was walking around in the corridors could she 'bump' in to him.

Her day was filled with thoughts of him though and it vexed her. Before him, she had been good at her job, good at concentrating. And she was still good at her job, she was a brilliant sergeant. It was just the concentrating she having trouble with.

The day was long, and just as she checked the clock for a millionth time and saw she had five minutes to go, she heard a knock on her office door.

"Come in." she said to who ever wished to speak to her.

There were no words to express her delight when she saw it was him.

"You wanted to see me Sarge," he said to her.

She shook her head confused.

"No…" she hadn't sent for him.

"Mam I never said you requested me to come in, I just said you wanted to see me," he said to her with a cheeky smirk.

"Des…" she said as she blushed. "Not here," she told him.

"Why not?" he asked her. The door was shut and they were alone. He had to take every chance he got before she went to her husband.

"You love the danger don't you…. Of us. You like the fact we could be caught any day and then I'd have to come clean."

He considered what she was saying for a moment. He did love them. The secrecy of it all made it fun as well, he had to admit. It gave him a rush knowing it was all snatch moments and forbidden kisses. But he didn't want it that way for ever.

"Sine times yeah I do. But not always." He replied. "What I'd really love is knowing I could take you home every night with out you having to rush off to be with your husband." He sighed and she nodded. She knew that. "I know that isn't fair though. After all. It's me whose the other man. Not Patrick. You two have history. I should respect that really. He loves you better than I ever could."

"No." she said. "You have loved me better in these last two months than he has in two decades. Don't say stuff like that… now go on PC Taviner. Home."

"Very well. Good night mam." He said as he gave her a polite nod of the head. She watched as he passed her window and flashed one last soft smile her way… she wanted to wake up to that every day.

After a good end to the day, and a brilliant night before, Sheelagh headed home where Patrick and the kids.

"Hey baby." He said to her as he gave her a kiss.

"Hey." She muttered in response.

"Was it tough last night then?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yeah I am sorry I didn't make it home but I had so much paper work to do." She said to him.

"Shee no worries." He said to her.

"Ok, thanks." She said. He was so kind to her. It made her feel so guilty. But never guilty enough to pull the plug on her affair. Nothing could make her feel so guilty she did that she thought. "Were the kids ok last night?" she asked. All three of them were nearly grown now.

"Fine. Everything was good, honest, don't worry." he said to her, but he knew it was in her nature.

"Alright I am going to go and have a bath." She said to hi m and he nodded, and smiled and she run off upstairs.

The rest of that evening her thoughts were with Des and when she would see him again.


	2. The Saturday Shift

Chapter 2

It was Saturday and Patrick who had been looking forward to having the day with his wife was both shocked and a bit upset to see her run down in uniform ready for work.

"I didn't think you were going in today." He said to her.

"I didn't know myself till yesterday." She said as she poured herself some coffee and started getting herself some toast. "But you know how busy we are right now, we can do some thing next week." She said. Begrudgingly he kissed her. Up till the last few months she had been quite content in his eyes but now all she ever wanted to do was be at work with her friends.

When she got there she went in to the locker room once she had sighed in as usual, and for all the normal suspects in the room, getting ready for the shift.

June, Gina, Kerry, Cathy, Garry, Craig, Reg and Des were all there.

"Morning Sarge." Said Kerry.

"Good morning," she said cheerfully.

Her eyes wondered over to Des who didn't look at her, she felt a slight disappointed but he was like that, she thought to herself. Hot and then cold. He wasn't deeply romantic, well not all the time and that suited her. It meant that he was discreet enough in work and passionate enough outside of it.

"Right!" said Gina, "Reg have you got the report for me?" she asked and his face drew a blank.

"What report…. Oh that report. I can have it ready by five."

"I need it this morning." She sighed. "Well alright, but that means you are not out on the streets, so who will pair up with Des for the day." She asked.

"I can do it." said Sheelagh.

"Fine," she said to them. "Have a good day all. Reg get to your desk." she order, peeved at the longest serving PC she had.

"Sorry mate." Des said to his best friend.

"My own fault really. I knew I should have been doing it last night," he shrugged.

"Right, then I shall see you at the end of the shift." He said to him.

"Come on Taviner." Said Sheelagh. They had a job to do.

"Cor mam, slow down. Any one would think you wanted to have me all to yourself or something." He said with a smirk as they walked down to the area petrol car.

"You think you are so smart don't you?" she asked him.

"Well there must be some thing about me." He said as they got in and shut the doors. "To have landed me a beautiful woman such as yourself…. I didn't stop thinking of you for a second last night." He told her.

"I know," she muttered. "Me neither."

He knew she had the kids and that was what bonded her to Patrick but some times when Des thought of the two of them together it drove him mad with passion for her. Hatred for him. He was jealous of Patrick and he supposed she knew this dn well.

"I hate the thought of you being together." He admitted. He had to tell her how he felt.

"Des you mustn't be jealous of him. I don't love him like I do you. I never have and never will." She told him.

"So leave him. Come home." He urged her. He was of course thinking of the flat both there home.

"We have been through this a million times; I have to find the right moment to tell him and the kids. I am coming; it is just going to take time." She said to him.

He knew that. "I know sweetheart," he sighed. "I know."

"Be patience and I swear we will be together soon."

It was then that Sheelaghs phone went off. She had a text. Getting it awkwardly out of her pocket, due to the way she had been sitting, she read it.

"Its Patrick. He wants us to go out to dinner tonight." She said to him, and he was able to here the dread in the voice.

"What are you going to do?" he asked. It was the Saturday shift, and most people who worked a Saturday didn't do Sunday so nine times out of ten the relief who had worked when on down to the pub to make a night of it. That was the great thing about the Sun Hill relief. They weren't just colleagues. They were then greatest of friends too.

"I don't know." She said as she put it back with out replying.

She knew what she would so if it was purely a case of heart over head. She would go for a drink with the guys. But her head was inn the way and it was listing the reasons whys he should go to her husband. Well there was number one. He was her husband. Two, she had been at work with the others so much that she had hardly seen him. Three, if she went then she would probably end up sleeping with Des again. But number three in her heart was more a reason to go than to not.

"Well if it makes a difference I want you to go for a drink." He said.

"Des you know that is going to make a difference." She said to him. He smirked.

"That was the point."

She shook her head. "Just drive PC Taviner."

It was a fairly quite day for the two of them on the best that day and most of it they just drove in silence both of them lost in thoughts of the other. And of Thursday night. Shee knew that had been the night when in her heart of hearts her love for her Des had been confirmed.

How was she meant to walk away from him tonight?

"Do you want to grab a Tea?" asked Des as they got back to the station.

"Yeah sure," she said as they walked down to the canteen.

When they got there they found they had been beaten there for reak by over hald the relief who were already sitting there laughing.

The rest of the day followed the same pattern the morning had for Des and Sheelagh really. They found a young lad at the market trying to shop lift but a caution had been issued and he had looked scared enough by that or no further action to be taken. He hadn't actual taken any thing, but the stool holders had been worried about him and a small word had been in order.

By the time that they returned to the station they found all the relief had again beaten them back to the locker room.

"You two coming for a drink?" asked Kerry.

"I will." Said Des with out a second thought. His eyes then went and rested on Sheelagh, "You coming?"

"Yeah." She nodded. She would. She had had a good day and was not ready for it to be over yet.

"Good." Said Reg to them both who had been listening.

"How did the report go?" asked Des.

"Alright I guess." He said. He was dying to get to the pub though. He, just like all the others hatred being stuck in the station all day.

"Right, whos ready?" asked Garry and every one nodded.

When they got there Tony was nominated to get in the first round and so the others went and sat down in the comfortable brown leather arm chairs and settees. Shee and Des sat on the two seated side by side.

"Well another successful shift down." Said Gina.

"I will drink to that." Said Kerry smiling.

"Glad to hear it." the sergeant smiled.

Then every one broke off in to there own little conversations of two or three which tended to happen when you were in such a big group.

"You know what I don't think I could ever be in CID." Said Des.

"Why not?" asked Cathy.

"I just think it'd be boring being behind a desk all day.! " he commented.

"They do a lot of good work though." Said Gina.

"Yeah I know, I just don't think it'd ever be for me." Said Des. "So you think any of you lot would ever try for it." he asked.

Gary nodded. He didn't want to be a PC for ever.

Sheelagh sat back and took in all the conversation, rarely commenting on what was coming up. Maybe this was what she liked about being in the group. It was the fact they had a common bond and conversation was so easy flowing. It wasn't like it was at home. It had been like that once, but not any more.

"Right I do believe it is my round." She said at last. "Every body want the same again?" she asked and they nodded, so she went off to the bar.

When she had been standing there maybe no more than twenty seconds she felt another body beside her.

"I changed my mind. I want a bitter." Said the voice.

"That is what I got you."

"Then maybe I just wanted a minute with you on my own." Said Des.

"You're awful." she accused him.

"I know I am but maybe that is why you love me so darn much." He said.

"I think it is." She agreed.

"Thanks for coming tonight." He said to her, his mysterious eyes glistening. "I know we haven't spoke a lot but you have made my night." He said to her.

She nodded.

"Give us a hug." She said to him.

"What with every one watching?" he asked her.

She nodded. "Especially with every one watching."

He held her tight and kissed her forehead as she clung to him. It felt good to know she was ready to give him affection in public. Some how it felt as if when she did they were closer to being together for real.


	3. The Decision

Sunday morning came and Sheelagh awoke to beautiful weather despite the time of year. Sun shone in through the windows and birds were singing just outside them. For a moment she forgot that she had come home at all. She expected to open her eyes to see Des looking back at her, for her to kiss her and for them to embrace tight to start Sunday. The day of rest.

The day of rest...church!

She had to get up and go with the rest of the family, but when she turned over to see the time she realised she was well late. She wouldn't get there in time.

She felt a guilty feeling rush in to her stomach. She should have got in sooner last night.

When had she got in. three? Four o'clock. She knew it had been midnight before they had left the bar and then she and Des had gone back to his. She smiled at the memory.

What did that man do to her to make it seem as if there was no one else alive.

Going down stairs she automatically put on the kettle for a brew. She'd go to six o'clock mass on her she decided. But would she really find any comfort there no? she had committed adultery. She had been committing it for weeks. But she just couldn't stop. She was in to deep now. She loved him too much.

She had been up about twenty minutes when the others returned.

"You alright mum?" asked Coner.

"Yeah fine, you?" she asked.

"Yup."

"Good boy." She smiled as she went over to her husband. "Why didn't you wake me?"

"You need sleep." She said to her. "You have had a really hard week and last night went drinking. You're going to wear yourself out Shee… didn't you get my text yesterday morning."

"No… no I didn't, what did it say?" 

"Well you'll never know now." He teased and kissed her cheeks before following the children in to the kitchen.

That day for her was unbearable. Not because of the kids but because of Patrick. He assumed the mood she was in was because of some case she had on, not because of the way he was with her. That week he had put in a effort because he had had too. But now she was home she was just part of the furniture again.

The kids she understood. They expected her to be there. And she guessed so did he but she was so sick of being taken for granted.

"Are you going to be home more this week?" Asked Patrick. They were alone in the kitchen as she made dinner for the five of them and she looked at him and shrugged.

"I don't know yet." she said to him in all honesty.

His flashed. With anger…

"You're always out right now." He pointed out.

"What am I meant to do Patrick wait ay home while your out driving when I could be with my friends." She said to him.

"Yes! What about the kids."

It was at there point there daughter walked in. having heard her mum and dad shouting, she had come in to investigate.

"Dad you can hardly use me and the boys. We are all adults practically." She rightfully pointed out.

"Do not get involved young lady." 

"And do not have a go at her." said Shee. "It is me you are mad at so don't take it out on her."

He shook his head.

"Darling me and your father just need a minute, will you go back in to the other room for a moment." She looked at her mum doubtfully but did as she had been asked too.

The rest of the day just got worse. Patrick was hurtful, more so by the hour, and when they got in to bed that night, he slipped a hand round her waist and begun kissing her neck.

"I'm sorry." He whispered and despite his wife's cold reaction which was none at all, he continued caressing her.

'No more,' she thought to herself. 'No more.'

By the time she had got to the station the next day she was so tired and her head hurt. She just wanted him…

As soon as she got in to the locker room where she saw every one getting ready for the day she went over to him. She had tears spilling over on to her cheeks.

Taking her in his arms on first sight he kissed her fore head. His kisses didn't feel so cruel as the ones she had been receiving the night before. They felt loving and reassuring.

Why did it feel so right to be with him?

"What is it?" he asked, but they both knew they couldn't talk there. "How long we got Reggie babe?"

"We have to be out in the car in twenty minutes." Was the reply.

"Come on, we can get a coffee in that time and you can tell me what is wrong." She nodded, and he led her by the hand to the cafeteria.

The entire relief who had already been gossiping about there sergeant and Des but now after that scene it was pretty much confirmed. They were having it away.

"I just can't Des… I can't go on like this." Said Sheelagh through her tears.

"What are you saying? That you want to end it with me and you?" he questioned with a little fear in his voice. That was not what he wanted.

"No, not me and you. Me and Patrick." She said and watched as a smile came on to his face.

"So that we can be together?"

"Yes."

"So why are you crying?" he asked.

"I don't know." She said as he leaned over a kissed her.

"There aren't ever going to be tears for you again. I promise you…your never going to have to cry again Sheelagh."

She let out a small laugh. She doubted what he had just said severely but kissed him through tears. She was just so happy.

They were going to be a official couple at last…

"Come, come tonight." He whispered to her.

"I am going to have to go back to the house and get my things." She pointed out, the practically of every thing beginning to cloud her mind. They didn't deter her from her choice to go to him though. "But yes. Yes I'll come tonight."

"I can go with you if you like." He offered.

"No I don't think so. It'd be unfair on Patrick. I mean he is going to know I am going to go to be with another man. He doesn't need to see you."

He nodded, and excitedly they embraced. This was it, they were at the end of the rainbow, and both had got there pots of gold.

"Are you ok to go back to work now?" he asked and she nodded.

"Yeah, yeah don't worry about me. I am going to be fine; the only problem with me is I am going to lack concentration, thinking on tonight."

"Me too. I'll have a bottle of wine for when you come yeah?"

"That's sounds lovely Des, thank you!" she said as she went off to her office.

When he got back to the locker room, he found Kerry with a smile on her face and the others given her five quid notes.

"What's all this?" he asked.

"We just had a little wager Des." She said.

"And why wasn't I involved?" he asked.

"Because it was about you. The others didn't think there was any thing going on between you and Sheelagh, I however did, and I think what just happens proves it." she smirked.

"So come on…" said Tony. "Are you together?"

"Reggie, we have to get to the car!" he said to his partner for the day leaving the others in suspense.

"You could have told me Des, I mean we are best mates." He said as they sat down in the car.

"I wanted to mate but Shee didn't want me too." He told him. "If I ever stood a chance of ever getting close to her I had to play the game by her rules."

"And now?" Reg asked.

"And now what?"

"Has it paid off? Arte you a couple?"

"Yeah… yeah she is coming tonight." He revealed to his oddball of a best friends.

"Good on you mate." Said Reg approvingly.

"You think we'll make the distance?" he asked.

"God only knows the answer to that one."

Later...

Sheelagh got back to the house to find the kids all out. Good, that'd make it easier. Patrick was also out. He must be out on a run or some thing. She would wait for him to return before she went. She had to say good bye to him properly after all there long years of marriage. Once it had been a very happy and loving marriage. These would be the memories of him she would keep with her.

Whilst she was waiting for him, Shee did not sit idle. She had to pack she had to get her things together for leaving.

She was going to have to do it in two trips she quickly came to realise. There was no other way, she had so much. She wondered how much wardrobe space she was going to have

When she was half an hour in to packing, she heard the door open.

"Shee, I'm back." She heard Patrick's voice.

Going down to him, she breathed deeply, and it didn't take him long to see how pale she was.

"What is it?" he asked. "What's wrong?"

"I'm leaving you Patrick. I am going tonight." She whispered. Until that moment she hadn't been ashamed of what she and Des had decided, but now she was.

"Why?"

"It isn't working any more." She said to him.

"Ok then, can we talk about this." It was clear she was unhappy, but despite a few hitches he didn't think they were this bad. sure they had had a few rows, but what couple didn't.

She sat on the stairs and nodded.

"Is it some thing that I have done?"

"No."

"Are – I mean – " a switched flicked on in his head. He knew why she was leaving. "Another man?"

Silence took the room.

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	4. The Long Way Home

Chapter 4

She woke up in bed. Patrick was by her side. She hadn't gone. She had been talked round. And she hated that. She hated him for talking her round.

He had played on all her biggest weakness. He had spoken to her of her children and then he had spoken to her of her god and he had reminded her of what He would want her to do.

Stay in her marriage. But she was so unhappy;.

Getting up silently, she dressed for work. Once again it was her only escape. But she k new it was all going to be different now. She and des had to finish, for her own sanity.

That day every pair of lover's dreaded had come. The day dreaming ended. Her dreaming had ended. 

She could see that now. All she had ever been doing with Des had been dreaming. Of what might have been. Of what could have been. 

It was six thirty. She went down the stairs and she got herself a mug of tea before going in to the living room.

Her mind ticked over every adored memory which contained her and Des. All the times they had feel in to his bed. All the cuddles, the kisses, the promises that would now never be fulfilled. All of it was so unfair!

She would always treasure her love for him. And the moments they had shared. They'd stay with her forever…

By the time she had finished her drink, she was ready to go. There was no point in hanging about.

Leaving a note for her husband and kids telling them she would be home by six to do dinner, she grabbed her bag and car keys and went out.

When she got to the car she found her daughters CD was in the player, her soundtrack of the film RENT.

"525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In 525,600 minutes - how do you  
measure a year in the life? How about love? How about love? How about love? Measure in love. Seasons of love."

She sang along. How would she measure her and Des's love. She didn't know. They hadn't had 525,600 minutes together. She only wished they had. It would have made that day easier. But harder too… she wasn't ready to break up.

Going in to her office, she felt lost. When she had known they were together she had had a real reason to love being here but now… the job was going to have to be enough. She had always loved it. but she loved him more.

It wasn't long after right she heard the door open and she knew who had come in.

"You never came." The hurt and pain was in his voice. Des was hurting so bad.

"I wanted to, but when it came to it, I couldn't… the kids and Patrick have been to bigger part of my life for so long."

"So what about these last few months, especially the last few days, have they meant nothing to you?"

"Please, don't be so stupid. You and I both know that they have been every thing." She said as she finally turned to him.

Tears were in both there eyes.

"You know it is for the best at the end of the day. I am another's mans wife." She said to him.

Ho shook his head. "I don't care." He said as his voice cracked with emotion and love for her. "I love you as if you were mine."

"I know you do. And for it I am better person. But I can't be with you. Please… try to understand…" she said as her lip wobbled with emotion.

"You know I have had you down as a lot of things in the time we have met but never have I thought you were a coward Shee."

"How dare you!?"

"I dare because I know it is true. You are scared to break away because I am nothing that you stand for. I'm not always honest. I have hurt so many people and yeah I admit it., I have to my fair share of lies. But never to you. Your scared because I make you feel more alive than he ever has. Your words not mine Shee. I can't believe I actually thought you'd break the mode." He said before storming out of her office, leaving her in tears. To think he had faith in her.

The rest of the day was a blue to both of them. There were to be no more steamy embraces. No more forbidden kisses.

Had it really only been the day before they had been Sun Hills favourite Romeo and Juliet? It felt a like a life time ago.

At the end of the day Des went straight home. He had to clean up.

He looked in to the bed. The rose petals he had set out had wilted. Looking in to the kitchen the ice the champagne had been cooling on was now heated.

Everything was gone. Everything he had set out for her home coming.

Life fell back in to the way it had been before he had feel in love with her.

When he was at worked, or drinking he was considered one of the lads, he flirted, and women flirted back on a Saturday night. Some time he even took them back to the flat and slept with them. But it was no good. None of them matched up to her. she had spoiled him for any one else.

For her, her world became colourless except for the children. She sleep walked through days at work the only good thing she was able to savour was the stolen glances of him.

Nights were worse. When she was alone in the dark with Patrick and he tried to be 'affectionate'. It was unendurable.

The days turned to weeks and before she knew it she and Patrick were getting ready to go to the Christmas do.

The more time had passed the more they got back to normal.

She still spent every day thinking of that wild passionate love that still took over her heart. But it got easier. At least till that night.

Going in to the pub where the relief had arranged to meet they were all smiles. The perfect married couple. Of course no one at the pub believed it.

Especially not Des.

How ever every one else did believe he had moved on.

Just as the Murphy's had settled them selves in there chairs, she watched as he walked in with a beautiful blonde on his arm. She was obviously a lot younger than Sheelagh and she was beaming at Des.

"Hello." Said Gary to her. "Now I know you have you aren't here with des for real, come on darling, how much is he paying you?"

She laughed and she smiled, before turning to Des.

"Fifty quid wasn't it?" she joked.

He smiled, and laughed it off with her, "What can I get you to drink Emma?" he asked.

"V and T please baby."

"Be back in a minute," he said as he kissed her on the lips making her giggle. He had one soul purpose tonight. To make Sheelagh jealous, and he knew he wasn't going to have to try very hard.

She turned away when they kissed, she looked awkward. She hated him for it, but loved him even more.

The night progressed. It was a lot like all the other drinks they went for but more people drunk more.

Emma often perched her self on Des's knee and he ran his hand down her back making her blush. He would whisper in her ear, and smile at her too.

Sheelagh by nine o'clock couldn't take it.

"I just need to go to the bathroom," she said to Patrick, and Des who had been sitting close to her, heard the emotion crack her voice.

Intensely, he got up and went after her.

"Des?" Emma's called after him, but he didn't turn back.

"Maybe there not as over as we thought," said Kerry to Des.

Des went straight in to the Ladies after Sheelagh.

"What are you crying for?" he said in a way that made her sure he knew. "You ended it, not me."

"I don't kiss Patrick in front of you; you don't have to kiss her in front of me!"

"Shee if you can get away with it, you don't kiss you husband at all! Don't tyou see I don't care for her," he asked.

"But – I – Des don't do this to me!"

"I have too, for my own sanity I have to believe you love me, or I don't know what I am going to do. I love you Shee. I can't forget!"

"And you think I can? You think I don't dream you still. You think I don't get caught in day dreams about you. Well I do! I do!" she said to him as tears started.

"Please, don't cry. Just come back to me." He said to her. "For gods sake I love you woman!"

Weakened by his soft words and gentle caressing as he stroked her hair, she gave in to him and begun hugging him, tighter than she ever had before.

He really had thought he'd lost her. how wrong he had been.

"Do you think we can sneak off with out being caught?" she bit her lip. She knew she shouldn't be saying this but in that moment she couldn't stop herself.

"I know we can." He said as her took her by the hand. Her fingers tingled. "Are you sure about this?" he checked.

"I allowed Patrick to manipulate me before. It isn't going to happen again." She said as they walked out, keeping as far as they could away from the relief. They were glad that when they walked through the bar, the disco begun and the lights went down. Fate was on their side.

Going back to the flat, Shee smiled.

"I don't actually believe I am here yet."

"You are Shee. Your home at last." 

An: Please Review!


	5. The Consquences

Chapter 5

Sheelagh awoke to find herself wrapped in Des's arms. He was awake and he was looking at her.

"Good morning hand some." She said to him as she pressed her lips to his.

"Any regrets?" he asked.

"No. I don't. It was high time I did that." She said to him. "I could have never made Patrick happy like I used too. My hearts been here all along." he said as she kissed him again.

"And you conscience." He asked.

"I broke one of the commandments, and I am going to prey for forgiveness. But there isn't any going back. I think even He knows this is the right thing," she said to him. Somehow….

He nodded respectfully before kissing her again.

"We did it." he said to her.

"I know, and it feels wonderful, but I have to go back to the house." She said to him. "I need to get my stuff.

"Ok but I am driving you there." he said. He wasn't going to let her get cold feet again.

"Good I should think not." She said as she got up. "I am going to geo jump in the shower." She said to him.

"Alright."

Going in to the kitchen he begun getting them both some breakfast. "Bacon sandwiches and coffee for the two of them." He thought to himself. The perfect way to end the perfect night.

Once she had had her shower she went out to him, wearing his dressing gown and smiling.

"You know I am going to have to sort this place out. It is a bachelor pad if ever I have seen one." She said as she sat down.

"Well up till last night I was bachelor." He said to her.

"No more though," she said to him.

"Never again hey darling," he agreed. He hadn't realised how lonely he had been with out her up till then.

"Yeah." She said as she ate her sandwiches. She had a lot on her mind.

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

"How I am ever going to explain all this to the kids." she said to him.

"I don't know sweet heart." He said to her honestly.

"Carefully guess." She said as she drunk her coffee.

"It is going to work out, I promise you."

"I know. Right I have to go get dressed." She said to him.

"Ok then. Do you want to go at eleven?" he asked tentatively.

"Yup. Lets get it over with."

"Why don't you wait here for me?" she said to him and he nodded.

"Are you sure you don't want me to comer in with you?!" he said to her.

"Yeah. I'm sure darling."

Going into the house, she was feeling nervous. She knew this was going to be hard, by how hard she wasn't sure.

"Pat?" she called up, but it wasn't he who answered her.

"Mum?" asked Conor.

"It's me darling."

"What took you so long, is dad with you?" he asked her.

"No he isn't. Didn't he come back last night?" She asked. He shook his head.

"No. I was worried when neither of you did and you forgot your phone," he said to her as he went over for a hug.

Embracing him for what she knew might be the last time in a while, for he was going to be furious with her when he learnt the truth, she kissed his forehead.

"So did you two get split up last night or what? Why isn't he with you?" he asked.

"Because … well we didn't get split-up. We did split up darling." She told him gently.

Her son as she had known he was going to pulled back from her.

"What?" he said. It was only too clear he didn't understand.

"I left your father," she said equally gently.

"What? Mum why?" he said to her in shock. What ever he had thought she was going to say it wasn't that.

"Sweet heart, when your older you are going to realised that relationships change over time. Mine and your fathers has and I don't wasn't to be in it any more. I am so sorry." She said to him.

"So what you are just going to give up on it?" he asked her… "Cant you try and change it back to the way that things had been?" he questioned.

"I don't think so."

"Please…"

"I can't. I really can't. If there had been a way don't you think I would have found it by now son? No me and your dad. It is not going to work out for us." She said to him.

"So why are you here?" He asked her.

"To pack."

He was horrified. Who was this women and what had she done with his mother.  
"You mean you are leaving, properly?" he said as he felt the tears rush to his eyes.

"Yes – but darling please don't cry." she said as she rushed forward to comfort him.

"Don't touch me mum." He said to her angrily.

Sheelagh had to admit it she felt awful. But she had come too far. Going back was not an option.

"Conor you are going to be ok. But I can't stay."

Going up to the room where she had spent so may night miserable she knew she was doing the right thing. The kids were going to see that one day. She couldn't stay. If she did then she was going to go out of her mind.

Going in to the room she had shared with Patrick for so long she sighed. This was it. the end.

-

They were back at the flat. Des and Sheelagh had sat together and she told him what had happened.

By the time she had finished packing which she had made sure had not taken her long as she had wanted to get out, as fast as she had been able too, her daughter and other son had been down stairs.

"They looked at me as if I had been a stranger." She said as they lay on the sofa side by side. "They hate me."

"No. No I don't believe that for a second." He said to her gently as they hugged each other. "No one could hate you."

"You are only saying that because of all we have been through together lately. And we haven't been on the receiving end of our actions.

"You don't want to go back there do you? I mean your staying." He asked her.

"Of course I am. This is home now, that is just going to take some getting used too. The kids are going to come round to the fact that we are together. Every one is just going to have too. I have to admit though; I wonder where Patrick got to last night. I hope he is ok."

"His a big boy. I am sure he is going to be ok." He said.

"He has just lost his wife of twenty years to another man." She said to him. "I am not as confident."

"I know." He sighed noticing how short she had been with him in that sentence.

"I don't mean to be so - dismissive. I know he is going to be hurting but I love you so much. And I had to share you for so long that now your mine I don't want to think about him."

"I know you don't. And I if am honest neither do I. But I do care for him even if I don't love him like I do you. I just can't make the years we spent together go away. You understand that don't you Des."

"Yeah, I do. I know you and him have a history. But that's what I want for me and you and when you look back on it I want you to be able to smile and laugh, not frown." He said stroking her blonde hair.

"And so far if those are your aims you have achieved every one." She smiled.

"We are going to grow old together now Des. There is nothing left stopping us. You just have to give me some time to get used to that ok?"

"Take as long as you want." He nodded.

Shee smiled. That was why she loved him so. Because for All that he could be a hot headed fool he could be so understanding at times.

"Well I don't think I will need too long with any luck." She replied. "You know what I am worried about now don't you?"

"No but I could help you if you tell me." He said.

"What they are going to think of us at work."

"To tell you the truth Shee at the end of the day I couldn't care less!" He said

honestly. "But I think they have all suspected for while. Ever since you gave me the hug on the Saturday shift." He reminded her.

"Well I guess I did hug you am more than a friend in front of them."

"Yes you did. And I liked it. A lot."

"Well I can do it all over the time now that we are together for real." She said.

"I think I might just have to make sure you do.

"I hope so!" she smiled. 


	6. The Love Of His Life

Chapter 6

"Are you ready for this?" Des asked Sheelagh.  
Here they were back at work. Monday morning had come and the two were going to face going in as a couple.

Thankful it was the last day of work before Christmas, but they still had to face it.  
"Yeah I am." She said. They had both been waiting a long time for this. To be together in public. To be a real couple.   
Getting out the car and smiling nervously at him, they held hands as they walked up the ramp in to the station to sign in to say there were there.  
Thankfully, the first person they came across was Reg who was happy for them.  
"I wondered where you too had got to on Saturday night when you left." he said knowingly.  
"Well we couldn't really come over and tell you could we Reggie babe?" said Des.  
"I guess not considering."  
"Reg, how was Patrick?" asked Shee, "when I didn't come back."  
"He got angry and drunk, but Emma soon calmed him down." he explained to the pair, insinuating with his facial expression a bit more then her calming him down had taken place.  
"Did she now?" asked des.  
The three continued to the locker room.  
As soon as they entered t he room fell silent.  
"Good morning." Said Sheelagh at last trying to break the silence.  
"Good morning Sarge." Said Kerry sniggering. "Did you have a good weekend?"   
"Yes I did. I had a very good weekend."  
"I bet you did." Said the young PC.  
Rolling her eyes at that comment she kissed her new partner on the check as she finished putting every thing away.  
"See you at the briefing." She muttered to him before walking out the room.  
She went down to her office.  
Well there was the worse over. Or so she had thought, till she saw Gina.  
"And how long has this affair been going on?" asked her superior.  
"About three or four moths." She admitted to her. "Probably longer."  
"And did the two of you conduct it here."  
"No. well some of it but mostly not." She said. "I know it was never going to be the best idea when we begun but I love him." she tried to justify her actions.  
"I am not judging you." She said to her gently once she was sure that her friends emotions were sincere. "I just want to be sure that you are not making a mistake."  
"I'm not." She said knowing what she said now was of the record." She said to her friend. "You have had a long marriage."  
Sheelagh nodded. Before she had been with Des, the only one who she had ever been intimate with had been Patrick. They had met when t hey had been at school in Ireland.  
"You know at the time when you get together with some one, you never think it is going to end do you?" she asked.  
"Not if your happy."  
"No. I remember when Patrick first asked me to the school dance. I was ecstatic." She remembered. "I smiled for days and we went on like that for a bit, for years." She nodded. "Theses last few years though have been so hard to get through. Or they had been."  
"Until…"  
"Until the affair begun. Des, well he brightens my life and he made sure that I could smile again." She gleamed. "And since we got together I feel like the dark times have gone. Its just us." She said.  
"Well. I have to admit as much as I am happy for you I am still sceptical about the whole thing, we all know he is a bit of a jack the lad."  
"He isn't going to be like that now." She shook her head. "You don't know him like I do. He wants to be loved." She said to her.  
"And you can give that?"  
"From where I am sitting I already have. I proved my love for him when I left Patrick. If that isn't enough I font know what is."  
"Me neither." Said Gina. "So are we going to have a drink after work or what?" she asked. "Toast the two of you."  
"Well I don't know I hadn't really thought about it but yeah. Why not, it is good news after all. "  
"Yes it is."  
She sighed and nodded. "I think des will like that idea. I'll tell him." she said to her. "Right I better go down to this briefing." She said to her.  
"Do you want me to come down with you to keep them under control." She asked.  
"Yeah would you. They were all looking at me and Des as if we had two heads when we got to the locker room this morning though I guess it isn't every morning when your fellow officer goes out with the sergeant." She said to her.  
"That is one way of looking at it."  
Going down to the meeting room for the relief she sighed. It was going to be a long day.  
"Alright you lot settle down," she said as she went in, Dina right behind her giving her support. Not that she needed it once she saw Des's eyes. He was there for her and that was all she needed to know.  
"Right, Des and Reg you to are on coal lane estate today." She said to him as she delegated. She had to show every one that even thought they were in love and she couldn't let him go out in the area car every day even though she knew that was his passion.  
She had to show every one how she meant to go on from the off.  
Des understanding this said nothing.  
Every one was shocked by this who had expected him to kick off. He did nothing but sat back and accepted it.  
-  
After the shift, Des agreed with Sheelagh when she asked him about going for a drink with every one  
It'd be good. Show every one how much they cared about each other.  
"I am sorry about putting you on foot today, but you know why I did it, don't you?" she asked as they went in.  
"Because you can not be seen to favour me in work?" he asked and she nodded.  
"Well as long as you favour me at home and most importantly in the bed room, that is ok by me." He joked.  
"Trust me will always favour you there," she said as she kissed him passionately.   
The night processed well with a lot of people getting more than a little bit happy. For a lot of them, including both des and Sheelagh that was the last shift they had to do before Christmas.  
Des couldn't keep his eyes of Sheelagh all night. He was completely besotted by her and nothing was ever going to change that.

She was with out a doubt the love of his life. 


	7. The Life Changing News

"You know I don't think we've done to bad job on that." Said Sheelagh to Des playfully.

It was night time and they had just enjoyed there first day off work, and to celebrate they had got in to the Christmas spirit. Of course he had not been too bothered about it but to keep her happy he had helped her decorate the tree.

And he had to admit it; it did brighten up the place. And it felt good to celebrate with her. To know that when the twenty fifth he was going to be with some he loved, adored and treasured with all his heart.

"Neither do I." he said as he came up behind her and gave her hug. "happy Christmas my darling." He muttered in her ear.

"Merry Christmas to you too." She said as she turned and kissed him. The kisses that they shared since they had moved in together had become the air that they both breathed. There love for one another was so strong, that neither had ever felt a love like theirs before. It was….breath taking.

Embracing her it wasn't long till he wanted his way with her again and she was only to glad to let him have it. She wanted him to have all of her completely.

Lovingly, she allowed him to pick her up and to take her through to the room she truly now though of as their bed room.

The last few months had been one of great change, and there was going to be even more she thought to herself. She had got some news that day. News that was going to change there world completely.

"Be gently." She said to him as they kissed.

"Aren't I always?" he whispered seductively back to her.

She nodded. Yes he was, but never had there bee such a great need for him to be gentle.

She had quite a Christmas present for him. Though he was going to have to wait nine months for it.  
-

Gina was shocked to open the door to Sheelagh just days before Christmas.

Her friend had a look of worry and concern on her face.

"You ok?" she asked.

"Yeah. Sorry for not calling I just wondered if you wanted to go out for a drink. The boys have all one to a football game so I thought maybe you were at a lose end and felt like It." she said and Gina nodded sure.

"You got some thing on your mind?" she asked already knowing the answer.

"Yeah. I need a friendly ear." She nodded.

"Well you came to the right place." Gina had nothing g better to do and would gladly give a hand to a friend who needed her and it sounded as if Sheelagh did.

Going in to the pub together the two women went up to the bar.

"Well I dragged you out what is it? Gin and tonic." Sheelagh smiled. 

"Sure."

"Can I have a gin and tonic and a orange juice." she asked the bar man and even behind her she could imagine the look on her friends face.

She knew. She so knew with out needing to be told.

"So how far gone are you?" Gina asked as they sat down in a quiet corner.

"Five, maybe six weeks." she said to her as she took off her coat.

"And do you want it?" she asked.

"I think I do. Me and Des, our own baby." smiled Sheelagh coyly. It's be so wonderful. To her it sounded a bit like a dream. She was so sure every thing was going too well. "I think he would make a good dad."

Gina had to say she had her doubts on that one. He was a good man. And he was a good cop. Sheelagh knew him well and thought he was a good man clearly. But it was like when she had learned Sheelagh had left her marriage for him. He was just such a jack the lad. He had been known for it at the station since he had started. And now she was hearing he was ready to start a family.

How ever may be a new child would be the making of him? she might be very wrong about him.

"Does he know yet?" she asked.

"No I – I only just found out my self a hour ago. I needed a bit of time to think it through on my own first." Sheelagh said nervously. 

"When are you going to tell him?" questioned Gina. 

"Tonight I think. Then we can work it out together as a couple. I know what I want though. I want my baby." She nodded more confidently.

"Then if this is true you have to stick to your guns no matter what he says."

"Don't worry. I intend to." She said as she had a sip of her drink.

No alcohol for the next eight months.

She had never been so glad of the fact.

"I think he is going to be happy you know." She said to her friend. She might be wrong but she didn't think she was.

-  
Des got in from the match a very happy man.

What ever the out come, he always loved going to see a game of football but it was ten times better when you team won and his just had.

Going in to the living room he saw his girl on the sofa. She was clearly tired out and had her eyes shut as she rested. To him, she looked like an angel.

Kissing her fore head with all the love and tenderness he felt for her he stroked her hair and kissed her again.

Her eyes opened and she beamed as his, to her, hand some face came in to view.

"Lets go to bed." He said to her. "And lets sleep tonight. You're tired out."

She nodded. "I think that's a good idea, but I have some thing to telly you first Des." she said and he sat on the sofa, taking her hand and kissing it.

"Ok what's wrong darling?" he asked.

"Nothing. I don't think it's wrong any way. I can't think of any thing more right…" she said smiling, with renewed excitement about her news for him. 

"Really." He said. "This sounds scary."

"No I don't think it is. I think it is amazing." She said, her eyes dancing with happiness.

"Well I don't know what to think until you tell me what it is." He said to her.

"Des… your going to be a daddy. I'm having our child." She said and waited for a reaction.

He had to say what ever he had been thinking she was going to say it wasn't that.

His face was a picture thought Sheelagh to himself as she continued to smile at him. 

"Well come on, say some thing." She begged him she wanted him to reassure her and with in a minute that he had done.

As he wrapped his arms round her in to a bear hug his joy became clear.

It was the most life changing news he had ever received. He didn't quite believe it for a minute.

But then it sunk in.

They were going to have a child together.

A baby. A new little life. A life he had fathered.

"Our baby." He muttered.

She nodded as tears of joy run down her face. They had never planned it, but now that they both knew they were going to be parents (in her case again), it seemed the most natural thing in the world, to both of them.

"How am I going to tell the kids?" She wondered out loud. They were going to hate her more than ever.

"I don't know, but I will help you if you want. No matter what," he was going to be there for her and there baby. They were the two most precious things in his world. No one was ever going to take them away from him. 


	8. The First Bust Up

Christmas was great as far as Des was concerned. For the past few years he had been spending it was Reg so to be with a woman who loved him was quite a treat.

"You know," he had said to her. "I think I could get used to the two of us spending Christmases together."

"Good but remember we are going to be joined by a little girl or a little boy next year."

"Don't I know it? I can not wait for the baby to be here Shee. I am going to be such a great dad to our kid. I am going to make you proud if me!" He said to her.

"You do that as it is." She said gently as she wrapped her hands round a warm cup of tea.

"When are you going to go tell the kids." He asked her.,

"Tomorrow I think. Siobhan is going to go shopping with me. She has been wonderful through this whole thing. Its the boys I am worried about." She said to him.

Being a girl Sheelagh thought her daughter a lot more sensitive than her sons. And she had been seeing the cracks in her mum and dads marriage long before the boys had, Although she did not condone the way her mum had left him, in the pub, Sheelagh though a part of her daughter could see why she did it.

"I think Siobhan is going to look for ward to the arrival of the wee baby." She said to him. "But you know what I am going to have to do." She said to him.

"What?"

"File for divorce." She said and watched a smile come on to his face. "No need to look so pleased about it."

"I'm sorry." He said but couldn't take the smile off his face. "I have just been waiting to hear you say those words for so long."

"I know you have darling." She nodded. Part of her under stood where she was coming from.

"If you get divorced. Maybe well – we can marry." He suggested.

She stopped in her tracks. "Desmond Taviner are you proposing to me." She asked in shock.

The words had floated out of his mouth before he could stop them.

"Yes." It just felt like the right thing to do. He knew that was the right way to do it just blurt it out, but he had had too or the words were going to go round and round on his head till he had exploded. She was having his baby. Why shouldn't they marry?

"Good. Because I want to marry you."

"You do?" he stuttered.

She nodded. Both had stopped in their tracks. That was hardly the tradition romantic way to propose, but it seemed to be the right way after the way their relationship had been. Never perfect but just right.

She nodded again

"Good."

After that day when they had become engaged to be married, the holidays seem to past too quickly for Sheelagh and des but that meant they had to make the most of the time they did have.

One of the most memorable days for her that holiday was when des took her shopping.

They were looking for her engagement rings and on the way though they dropped in to a clothes shop and she had gone off looking for a new jumper and when she returned to find him he was in the baby clothes section. 

As she saw him looking at pink and blue baby grows she smiled.

"So come on what do you want?" she asked coming up behind him, "a baby boy or a girl." She said to him wrapping an arm round him. 

"I don't think, I really mind." he said. So she had been right, he had been thinking about their baby. "I guess I have nine months to figure it out." He said to her.

"Shall we go get that huge rock I owe you now." he said to her.

"Oh yes, lets." She said as they laced there fingers together and walked along. Even though they had been together a while now they still felt like teenagers when they were together.

"Diamond?" he asked.

"Of course my darling."

-

Sheelagh and Des were back at work. As she sat down at her desk she sighed knowing she was going to have to go on maternity leave for in several months.

But once she asked for it the whole station was hogging to know. Nothing stayed secret in Sun Hill.

And she had to admit she was scared over having this baby. She was out of mother hood. All her children were grown. And now she was stating again.

Was it really the wisest thing to do?

She knew the answer no.

So what was she saying she thought to herself? Might she want to abort?

In her heart of hearts there was only one answer… yes. She was considering it.

When she and Des had got together it was because they had wanted one another and no one else. Did she really even know him well enough yet to bring a baby in to the world with him, let alone marry him.

The holidays had been a whirl wind romance and now she had come back to reality she guessed.

She looked up to find Gina at the door of her office.

"Are you ok?" she checked.

"I don't know."

-

Even though they had said they were going to tell no one when Des and Reg had got in to the area car that morning, Des had told his best friend all had what had gone on that Christmas. He had to tell some one he was so happy.

The fact he was going to be a husband and a father.

"Well you lucky devil. You have sure as hell landed on your feet there." He said to him and Des nodded. He really had. He was going to be a family man.

"Yeah I know." he didn't think he was ever going to be a dad or a husband and now it turned out her as going to be both.

Going in to the canteen for lunch when the time came after a quiet morning for the pair on the beat, they found Sheelagh deep in thought looking at her ring.

"I might be wrong but that doesn't look good."! Said Reg to Des.

And he had to agree. No it didn't. 

"Are you ok?" he asked as he went over.

"Yeah I think so." She said as she got up to give him a peck on the cheek. "Just down to be back at work you know?" she said.

"I know you are." he said.

"You know it isn't going to be easy leaving this place to have a baby. I am going to miss it." she commented.

"I know you will."

She nodded.

"You are ok with all this aren't you?" he checked. "I mean us having the baby."

"I think so." she said.

"You don't sound very certain." He said rather annoyed. Was she having second thoughts.

"I am… but I'm not. I don't know.… its so weird. I mean what about time for me and you. I only wanted it to be you and me. We are getting on. I love you. But I don't know if I want our baby."

Des felt as if his world has just came crashing down.

-

Sheelagh went through the rest of the day feeling guilty. She knew she had broken her fiancée heart. But weren't they all about being honest with each other.

When she got home she realised he wasn't there. In fact he didn't get back in till well after she had gone to sleep.

And he didn't wake her to say good night.

"I am going to go to my lawyer today. Get things going on the divorce." She said to him over break fast the next day.

"Good." He muttered.

"So I am going to need the car. Can you walk in today?" she said gently knowing he was still getting over the shock of what she had said to him the day before. But she was unable to help the way she felt.

"I am sure I can manage that." He said shortly, his temper simmering.

"Des…"

"What Sheelagh."

"What I said yesterday. I know it upset you. But I think we really need to talk about.

"You want to abort my baby …"

"I didn't say that."

"Well it sounded like it to me."

"I just think we need to think about what we are doing, that is all." She said to him, gently. "If we have this baby it'd be wonderful and I would love it so much. But what about us?" she said to him.

"I don't know any more." he admitted to her. Was there a them with out this child?, he thought to himself. This was his only chance to be a father. It was ok in a way for her. She had kids. Maybe she didn't want the baby. But he was desperate for it.

"We can be together after we have had our baby on our own." He suggested.

"In twenty years?" she said to him sighing.

"If needs must…" he shrugged.

"But I want us, just us now. Not when we are to old to enjoy the time." She said to him. She was so scared of starting again now she was thinking about it "I don't think I can do the whole dirty nappies and sleepless nights again." She said to him, with a tear rolling on to her cheek.

"Then I guess you have to do what's right for you." He said trying to understand but in his heart he could not. Not really.

"If I do abort will you stand by me?" she asked him.

He shrugged. This was his baby. The baby he had been dreaming of. And even though his love for her was everything to him, he didn't know if that'd be the same if they didn't have this baby. It was already alive, and if she did this then it felt to him as if she was a murderer.

"Please say some thing."

"I have to get to work."


	9. The Discussion

Chapter 9

All Des could think of all day was what his partner to be had said to him.

Nothing had made sense after that moment. All the dreams he had had for the, were gone.

Most of the day he was in a foul mood. And if he was not then he was just so silent. Not even Reg dared to ask what was wrong with him.

He had really thought he had known her; she had always been such a good mum. Not just to her kids but to the whole station. She was so maternal, so to think that she would even consider anything else but them having this baby together was destroying for him. To have her and the baby was all Des wanted. Nothing else. Was that selfish? Maybe, but no more than she was being if she was going to deny him his child. There's was never going to be an easy relationship, but he hadn't thought it was going to be so hard.

Every one turned to her. They knew she could he trusted, that had been part if the attraction for him when he had first got together with his love.

She had always been so caring. But now he felt as if all of that was gone.

Every thing he had thought she was…she was not. And it wasn't fair. He felt cheated and he felt conned.

Going home that night he felt nervous he didn't know what he was going to say to her or how he was going to handle this. But part of him guessed this was what being a husband and a family man was all about. Coping when you didn't know how too.

He had decided. Even if they didn't have the baby… he still loved and wanted her. He would work at it every day till they worked.

When he got back he found she had done his dinner already. It was on the table, as was a can of beer for him.

"We need to sit down, talk to each other." She said to him.

"I know darling," he said calmer than he had been when he had left her that morning. They couldn't go on was they had been.

"I didn't want to hurt you." She said.

"I know." In his heart of hearts he knew it. "And so am I. If we are not talking then this is never going to be sorted" he said as he sat down.

Smiling to see he was coming round to her again, she settled down on the other side of the table.

"I just think that over Christmas we were in a different world. Well it certainly was not reality." She said.

"Maybe." He shrugged. It had been as if a dream to him. But it had been real.

"We need to be practical." She said to him. "We need to work out what we are going ti do for money when they baby comes."

"Well we are going to have my money and I have some savings!"

"I know. It just I have worked so hard to get to where I am. I don't want it lose it all." She said to him.

"And you won't ok. Maybe if we can find enough money we can find a cash we can send the baby to a couple of days a week so you can still work–part time, or maybe we can both work part time and I can take care of the baby."

"You are really serious about this aren't you?"

"Yes."

"Ok then I guess we better have this baby." She nodded to him. It seemed like the right thing to do. After all they had each other.

"I was hoping you'd say that," he said as he moved round to the other side o f the table and kissed her. Life was going to be good.

-

"Des, Patrick is no agreeing to the divorce." she said to him as she walked in to the locker room. Her face was in a state of panic.

She had just got of the phone with the lawyer. She should he known that he wouldn't make it easy for her. Maybe he had not come over to the flat demanding she would return to him, but he had cleverer methods than that and she had forgotten it.

He liked playing mind games with her. Again…but this time she didn't want to

"So what are we going to do?" he asked.

She looked up and gave him a sad smile, feeling under a lot of pressure. At least they had each other to share it with.

"I don't yet. But I am going to get my divorce and we will be married." She said to him. She had to say she really believed that.

Nothing wrong could feel so right. She only hoped her god felt the same way about them she did.

"We are going to be fine I'll look after you." he swore to her. He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it.

"Yeah well I know." She said as she wrapped her arms about him. She did love him. So much. She just hadn't ever thought there love would hurt so much.

"Why don't we go out for dinner tonight, let me treat you?" he suggested.

"We have to save up for the baby and for the wedding, we can't afford to be wasting money right now." She said sternly. They had enough on right at that moment with out meals out.

"Oh yeah because me and you going out to have some fun together is a real waste isn't it?" he asked, sighing. He wished she was easier going some times. Only some times.

"You get my point. I will let you cook for me though." She suggested.

"You are just so good to me darling!" he teased her making her smile.

"Ain't I just?"

He embraced her breathing in her scent. It felt so good to be able to hold her when and where he liked. They were together now and that was the way it was staying. After months of dreaming it was a wonderful reality

"Well only because you are the mother of my child but I think I can stretch to that. I love you." he told her.

"Good because I love you too," she declared.

"Shall I take you home darling?" he muttered in her ear softly. He got the feeling they had both had a long day and to chill out together would be a very good idea. It was what she needed. That and a nice long bath that she could relax in.

"Yes please."


	10. The Doubts

Chapter 10

Sheelagh was on a mission. She was going to get her divorce.

"I want you to let me go." Said Sheelagh.

She had gone to see Patrick. She had had to. He wasn't being fair on either of them and he had to see that.

She and Des wanted to be married. They would be no matter what she though to herself.

She was going to make it happen.

"Well that's a shame because I don't think I want to let you go."

"Come on Patrick, you're being unreasonable."

He looked at her thinking how unbelievable she really was.

"I don't think I am. You are my wife. You're living with another man and having his baby. The kids told me. All this is going on while you're still my wife." He said to her. "Do you know how that makes me feel."

"No. and I am sorry if I am hurting you. It is not what I want to do. If you believe nothing else I say any more then believe that."

"How can I when you are carrying on like a whore?" he said to her furiously. She was his wife. She couldn't do this to him.

"I am not. I have left you. I am with Des now. I love him Pat. You're going to have to get used to it. I am not going to come back." She said to him. He had to get used to it.

"You will if I have anything to do with it. I am not giving up you yet." he said to her.

Shaking her head she sighed. He was so pig headed and bloody minded.

"You are going to be waiting a very long time." She said to him.

"If I have to then I will."

She shook her head. She wasn't sure she could handle him today any more.

"Running away."

"Going home." She shook her head. Looking at him for a moment she pondered all they had been through.

She had really loved him once upon a time.

Back in Ireland when they had been young he had been everything she had wanted and a bit more. She had lay in his arms for an age it felt and yet she hadn't wanted to move. She had loved him with such a passion.

An Irish passion he had said.

The day he had asked her to marry him had been such a happy one. She had so wanted to be his wife then. She had been so proud that he had been hers. That they were to be together.

She tried to figure out where they had gone wrong. Where did it go? All that love and passion and longing for one another.

"I used to love you so much Pat. I wish I still did at times. But I cant make believe. Not any more. Please don't spoil every memory. Let me go."

-

That afternoon had put an unsettling though in Sheelagh's head. She had fell out of love before. She could do it again.

Des had always been a risk and she had never been blind to that. He was fiery and passionate. He was changeable. She had learnt that in the time she had worked with him.

The only thing he had not yet changed in was his apparent affection for her. but anything with that man was possible. She had walked out on her old life in to a new one. But what if it didn't work out she thought to herself. That would be shattering.

If she fell out of love?  
the doubts that plagued her she knew were irrational. If she thought like that poor Des was never going to stand a chance.

But she had to consider the future. And not only what she wanted to happen. But the realty of what might happen.

Making herself a coffee she went in to the living room. What did she want to happen she thought to herself. If anything in the rwold could.

She laughed at the image of herself and des in a country state with a gorgeous little girl with blonde curly hair and bright excitable blue eyes. Her and Des never having to walk and going on long walks through the country. Yes that was what she wanted. A happily ever after, Jane Austen style. She saw herself in long dresses and him in suits.

If only…

That was never going to happen. But maybe when they had enough money they could get out of the city. Buy a small cottage like the one she had grown up in Ireland. Get away from the crime of the inner city. She would like that for their child she thought to herself.

Would des still lover her when she was big with child she wondered. When she was fat. Drinking her coffee she thought of all the things that might go wrong. The good times with Patrick.,.

When had she lost the ability to trust as she had when she was young.

Des came in on time that night. The first thing he did was kiss her forehead. He still obviously couldn't believe their apparent luck. The divorce he said would work itself out in time.

"We are going too be so happy when it all comes through. You mark my words love. Nothing is going to destroy me and you. We've come through so much already. So don't you worry your head… It is all going to be fine."

She smiled. Maybe he had enough confidence for the two of them,. For the mean time he saw going to have to.

"Yeah you're right. And besides we should be looking to the future. So I was thinking I should ring the hospital. Book the first scan." She smiled.

"The babys."

"I think we should. I want to make sure the little one is ok in there don't you?" she asked.

"Well of course. I don't know I didn't really think about it." he said to her.

"That my love is what you have me for." She said to him teasingly.

"well make sure you stay that way then. Or the two of us are going to be lost." He said. "Shall I go down the chippy and get us some dinner."

She nodded. Fish and chips. That would be nice.

Over the next few days she made desperate attempts to shake off the doubts that had plagued her mind. She brought baby books and begun to read. She hadn't had a new born in such a long time and she wanted to prepare herself to be a mother again.

Des set about thinking about names both for a son or a daughter when she asked what he would prefer he shrugged. He had lived alone for so long he no longer cared. He just wanted to hold a healthy child at the end of the nine months.

The spare room would be turned in to a nursery of course.

Sheelagh smiled.

Maybe she would get a happily ever after, Des style.

-

Work was never enduing for the argent though. She found she had m ore paperwork than usual she thought to herself. Then she had been rather neglectful of her duties lately.

With the stress of the baby and the divorce she had had to make work take a back seat and avoid this being noticed by Gina gold. So on the Tuesday after that weekend when she had begun serious thought and preparation n for the birth of her child she stayed behind to get it down.

It was all petty things really, which only needed the signature of a sergeant.

Settling down at her desk at seven she had been sure to tell des that she was going ti be back late and so he shouldn't wait up for her. she had as long night ahead of her.


	11. The Scan

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"I was thinking yellow." Was the first thing Sheelagh heard when she got home that naught.

"For what?"

"The nursery." Said Des.

In the time she had been in the office he had been thinking As usual of the arrival of his baby. He was so excited.

He thought he would be more afraid. But he was. He was just happy. So happy. He was going to be a family man.

When he had got in that night he had begun to clear the box room. He wanted to be such a good dad. That meant he was going to do everything for the child. Beginning with clearing out the box room to be decorated. He hadn't realised how much rubbish he had had. Old things he had kept for the hell of it. Because he had been able to. Yet he couldn't now. He needed the space.

"I suppose so." Said Sheelagh who hadn't even begun to think of colours yet. She supposed they were doing in together in equal measure, preparing for the baby. They had different ways of going about it.

"It is a neutral colour. Girl or a boy it'll do for. Or we ca have orange or green." He said, spilling the thoughts he had been having that evening on to her.

"Des, I have only just got back darling."

He sighed. "Sorry sweet heart. I just want us to be ready" he shrugged as he wondered over to her and wrapped his arms about her waist.

"I know you do. But we do have seven months left to go. And I promise. We will be ready."

"I know, I know. I am just being stupid." He said more to himself than her.

"Your excited about the birth of our child. I don't think that is stupid at all." She soothed him. he was a first time dad. He was bound to be excited.

They came to the decisions over dinner that with there scan being that Saturday morning they would start the nursery in the afternoon.

Having pacified des for that evening at least Sheelagh cuddled up on the sofa. She was ready just to relax with a book and drink. Tea was a poor substitute for wine but it would have to do.

How long had it been since she had lived like this she thought to herself. And was she selfish for doing so now. She had other children. And yet the one she was focusing on was the one who was yet to be born

She placed her hand on her stomach as if to protect the baby from her thoughts.

"Its just me, you and daddy now,." She muttered.  
-

Both were up on Saturday early. Nervous about the scan neither had slept much Friday night and had tossed and turned most of it away. Sheelagh kept needed the toilet and Des got water, she turned her light on and read while he stared aimlessly at the ceiling.

They were in the hospital waiting room on time holding hands. It was a big day for the two and both were hopeful. Why should anything go wrong? They were fairly young and quiet healthy. The baby would be fine.

They were called in ten minutes late but it was of no matter. They had enough on there mind to fill the time.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

"Yeah." Said Sheelagh.

There she was on the hospital bed, the ultra sound taking place. The gel which had gone on her stomach had been cold at first prompting Des's question, as her face screwed up at the touch of it, so took her hand he smiled.

He was about to meet his baby. They both were.

With a nervous smile at his lover he turned his head to the monitor as the nurse begun searching for there child.

"Come on love where you? Don't play hide and seek with your mum and yet. They don't know what you look like yet so it isn't fair….there you are precious!" the nurse said with a smiled as she found the child.

Des's face was a picture. A mix of sheer delight and terror. There it was. With a tiny heart and finger, and toes. And the child would depend on him. He had never laid eyes on anything in the world that was a beautiful or as precious. His baby. His child. His world.

Sheelagh beamed.

"Hello." She whispered at the screen. "Oh des…"

"I know." He said to her breathless.

Suddenly all she had done made sense. Leaving her husband, trying to explain to the other children, loving Des.

It had all been for the little one.

Her baby.

She had a baby again. She was going to protect it no matter what. It hadn't really hit her she was pregnant again till that moment.

"My baby. Is she or healthy."

"From what I can see they are very healthy." The nurse declared. "Your baby has a strong heartbeat."

She nodded and turned her eyes back to the screen. That child was inside of her. she marvelled at it. It was incredible.

-

Des sat on the sofa with Sheelagh's head in his lap. They had planned to go shopping but both had been to amazed by their baby. It was as if a weight had been lifted.

"That little one…Shee it was as if … everything had been leading to him other… they were meant to be." He was in a wondrous state. That baby on the monitor screen had made it real to him. he was going to be a father.

"I know." She whispered to him.

Stroking his hand through her hair he decided it was best not to break the silence again. Only to leave her to her thoughts and he to his. There was so much rushing through his head at that moment. He felt it might explode.

Everything was going to be ok. They were going to be a family and a happy one at that.

"You know what…I don't know why, but I think it is a girl." She said to him

She felt as if it was a daughter. A little girl. She had had it in her head for a few days they were going to get a girl. She had to tell him.

"Yeah?" he asked with a smile on his face believing now he would indeed have a daughter. Mother knows best after all, he smirked.

"Yeah. I don't know why. I just think it is."

"Well then… a little girl it is."


	12. The Truth

Chapter 12: The Truth

"If I give you this divorce," said Patrick as he stood in Sheelagh and Des kitchen facing her. "Then you don't get a penny." He explained.

"That's fine I don't care about the money. Not any more." She said. That wasn't what was important. She wanted to be married to another man and have his child. That was the centre fold of her life. The money she couldn't care less about.

"You'll be left with nothing."

"I don't think so." She said to him.

"I do. Shee, I love you. I don't want to see you make a silly mistake and through you're life and everything you have done in it away."

"I am not. What I am doing is enriching my life not taking away from it. I know you hate this. I didn't mean to make you suffer. But I am having another mans child now."

"And this is the life you are choosing?"

"With a man I love who I can be happy with." She said.

Her heart was sinking. He was in pain.

They had been in love. And they had been just as she and Des were then once. All her hopes for the future had been on there children.

Everything had changed.

A tear rolled on to her cheek.

"hurting you is never what I wanted,." She said to him.

"I believe that Shee." He said to her nodding. She had never been a good liar.

He was so angry she could still do this to him. Make him forgive her with a tear.

"Then have it. Have your bloody divorce. And never other me again."

-

When she Des the news he was understandably excited. It meant now that she was to be divorced they could be married. Maybe before the child was born. There child would be born in to a family. Their family.

She was a bit more caution. She had done it before and it had ended badly. So she found work a welcome distraction.

Reports which had taken half an hour before her life had changed now took an hour.

She was more careful even when it came to work.

That weekend she let des have his way though. They book the registry office for there wedding.

Once they had done that a huge weight seemed to lift off of her. She was going to be Mrs Taviner. And that thought made her smile. That was who she wabted to be.

She had a date, and they were going to be married. It was actually going to happen. He was serious about her.

With Patrick gone she decided she could move forward with her life.

Her and Des were going to face life together come what may. She had finally accepted the truth in her heart. The truth that he loved her. And it was because he loved her she lived.

An: I know this is a pants ending, but I lost it with this story and couldn't remember how I was going to end it originally.. I know it is rubbish. I'm sorry .

Hope you enjoyed it anyway.


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